Life Ain't Easy

After prelims..

2004-09-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

Let's see. I just finished my prelims. Friday went Penin with nad, Haj n Fir. Then saturday went Penin again wit Pard, Nad and Fir. We took lots of pics on pard's cam but Hajar deleted it!! Aniwae, took lots of pics with Neoprint then very nice2..!! Then Monday go Changi with Fir, Pard, Haj and Ida. We had a great time but I think I didn't really enjoy it because there was someone that I didn't relly like. Aniwae, gotta go, gettin bored!!

Can't Remember What Date This Was

2004-09-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

Let's see. I've been studying for my prelims that are coming next week. I've been studying really hard but my parents say that I haven't proved to them enough that I've been studyibg. Sometimes, this just hurts alot and I feel terrible when they say this. I want to prove to them that I can actually study. Seriously speaking, I've never really studied this much before but atleast they can say that I've put in effort rite?? Instead they say that I can't study and what Im doing is not worth it because I dun pay attention to what I'm doing.

I was studying alone in the kitchen when my mother came in and criticised me. She said that I'm not studying enough. I felt so ANGRY, so DEPRESSED! Felt like screaming my ass off but I didn't want my parents to know how I felt. So as I was holding the mechanical pencil in my hands, I just started to scar myself. I felt god damned well after I "relieved" my anger on myself. The following days after that I just kept scarring myself with anything that was in my hands to vent out my anger. I got so pissed off that day and I carved out the word DEAD on my left hand. The day after that, I got reallt pissed at my sister and carved the word HATE on my right arm. I just felt so angry. So depressed!!

Sorry For Not Updating!

2004-09-30T22:18:00.000-07:00

For all my TRUE fans out there who have been readin my blog, sorie for not updating, hehe! Been busy lately.. Had prelims and my computer at home broke down.. Very sway man! I just dunno where to start my story. I think I'm gonna start off at the time before my prelims..

Shan Has A Really NICE Bike!

2004-09-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

Today is Ayah's birthday! So many peeps celebratin their birthdays in September. 21st will be Farhan's and 24th will Sarah's. So stressful! Dunno wat to get them. Aniwae, just now I woke up at 10 to answer a call bcoz no one was at home. Then went back to sleep and woke up at 11 bcoz I was gonna have tuition at 12. So I bathed and cleaned the house. Then Abang imran called to tell me that he'll be late bcoz he's still stuck at camp. He had reservist just now in the morning so he might be a little late. Then I did some Physics and Maths and waited for him to come. By that time it was already 12.30 then my mummy came home from pasar. She bought A LOT of things! Then Kakak kept on naggin at me and I kinda shouted at her. I said "DIAM LAH!" I myself couldn't believe I said dat! Then it was 1 pm oredi but Abang Imran still haven't come yet. Then he came at 1.45. SO LATE! Then I had tuition until 3.45 and he had to go off for another tuition.

After that at around 4, Mahmud called me. He said he wanted to meet me and I asked him for what? M he said he got his motorbike license and he wanted to show me his bike. I told him he can just rilek2 at the car park instead and show me his motor from there. And I can talk to him by my home fone. Then he came and he was on SHAN'S motor. I thought it was really his motor. So he called me and I told him that I knew who's motor it was. And he mati2 said it was his. Then he finally confessed dat it was Shan's bike after I told him I was gonna hang up if he didn't tell me the truth. Then aleh2 out of no where, Shan came out wearing a helmet. Rupa2 nye he told Mahmud to say dat he was alone so dat I could look out the window and Shan could see me.. Aiyoh! Wanna kill dat guy man!

Aniwae, his bike was BEAUTIFUL! He painted it purple like I told him to and he added some pink patterns to it! How kewl is dat?! One day I'll add a pic of the bike.. He said he wanted to hantar me to school tomorrow but I didn't want to. And he said nvm, then he'll book in back in camp tonight. Thank god! If not he'll keep on pestering me!

After they left. I did my Physics home work and then around 8 Farhan called me but we talked only for awhile. Man! I missed him SOO much! I felt so relieved when I heard his voice! SOO DAMN HAPPY! Aniwae, gotta get goin now. Wanna gosok baju for school tomorrow.. Nitez!

C.I.P Day

2004-09-10T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today is Ezan's birthday..Wished him last nite oredi..It's Ferli's birthday too..Had C.I.P just now but of course you would have guessed dat I didn't do it. Me n my frens were all chillin out n we didn't collet money. Instead, the people came to us when we were at the interchange. I met Fir at the bus stop in the morning. I arrived at 7.30 and she reached the school bus stop at around 7.45. Then bought apple juice at the kedai cina. Then saw Lida, Liyana, Hafiz, Siti and Syafiq. Then collected the tins and we were actually assigned to go OUT of school to collect the donations. We were all thinking that we had to go and clean up the classroom or the school compound and maybe even wash the toilet. Hak hak! How stupid were we??

Then went to put the tins at Yana's place and we went to Mac'Donalds at interchange. Over there Ida and Hafiz signed up for this points thingy which I dun really noe wats it for but I just looked at them sign up the forms and the rest of my frens were eatin. I wasn't in the mood to eat. Ooh yeah, then saw this TAK BETOL guy. He kept on comin in and out of Mac. Then he would stick his thumb in his ear and pretend that it was a fone. He was practically talking NON stop! Then Yana cracked a joke. She said "Dier tu pkai telefon lama2, bill tak mahal ke??" Haha! Dat gal so merepek! Then Yan called Yana and they kinda fought or something like dat. You noe dat guy, always thinking he's in the right. What can I say, they're all MEN! So after that we went back to Yana's place and took our tins and I think Yana went to meet Yan after that. Then we dudok2 kat bawah block for awhile and we decided to go to Ida's place and chill there. So we took the bus to interchange and we took bus 69 from there. When we were waitin for the bus at the interchange, I saw lots of "mat railing".. OH MY GOD! Dun they have anything better to do? Trying to sangkut with all the awek2 there izzit? That’s such a CHEAP way of hookin up with gals! So UN-gentlemanly..! Then in the bus, we sat and talk crap.

Then sampai Ida's place. We were so noisy. Ida's cousins were there. Then we all sat down and watched TV. We watched The Terminal. Damn! That show is good! I loved it! Very hard to understand but the plot of the story came near the ending, That's when all the facts come into one big piece. Tom Hanks actually was from Khakzania and he wanted to go to America to help his father get an autograph of this guy from a jazz band bla bla bla. Go and find out about the story yourself and you'll get what I mean. After that we dressed Fir up! We made her look like Mami Jarum plus boo wit da bling bling kinda gerl. Very funny! She's really willin to let pple dress her up! Like dat day we dressed her up as: A. Painah Kerepot at Hajar's place. I'll never forget that incident. Very funny gal! Then after that went to buy the Oreo bubble tea near Ida's place then went to take bus 8 to school and we handed in our tins. But at that time w only had a few dollars in it. Just enough coins to make it sound like there was money on it.

After that I went home. Dah finish.. (^^,)

Stupid MATS!

2004-09-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

Today is SyafiQ's birthday..Hmm, very bored now. My sister's out so I can use the net. I’m just waitin for Farhan to call me. He hasn't called me for SO long! Hope he's ok.. Tomorrow I've got C.I.P. Need to report at school at 7.30 in the MORNING u noe! How am I gonna wake up?? Poh, wat the heck, just have to do it for the sake of my O'level cert lah..

Aniwae, this IDIOTIC guy called. U noe last time there was this guy named Yuz who wanted to kenal2 wit me? He's Shawn's fren. He asked for my number dat day when I was chillin with ma frens. U noe, ma old simei peeps. Fauzi, Dinie, Misha, SyafiQ at the pondok last year. At nite. Then he approached me and asked me for my number and I said NO! But dat nite, I found out dat Fauzi botak gave him my number! Then dat guy was buggin me n kept on forcing me to call him and all but I didn't want to. So I ignored him. Then he gave my number to one of his frens named Hafeez. Then dat guy plak wanted to kenal2 with me! Yuckies! Then I said no to him as well but he kept on forcing me so I got fed up and I ignored him lah. Then out of the blue, there was a missed call on my fone so I called dat number back lah, then he said dat he was Yuz and he was with his fren Hafeez. Then dat guy kept on askin me to kenal2 with him and all! N I shouted at him at said NO like a gazillion times n he kept on askin me y y y! Then I gave him a STOOPID reason and said dat I've got a boyfren and that my guy didn't let me make frens with any other guys. Then he kept on askin me who was my boyfren, how old bla bla bla! I got so fed up I hung up at him! Luckily my number was private so he didn't get to call me back. SEOW!

You noe how I dun like these type of guys who just anyhow approach gals out of no where and mintak kenal2 right? I think dats just really LAME! Very childish! Goes to show dat you’re bein very desperate! Kalau muka mcm Pharrell Williams kape ke takpe jgk! Eew!!

Stupid Haliem!

2004-09-09T15:45:00.000-07:00

Hmm, just finished Haliem out with his blog. Alamak dat Kambengz ah.. Bnyk songe man! Hmm, did so much for his new blog but he still hasn't updated it yet.. Aniwae, after dat sat in the kitchen and I did my Malay homework. Three worksheets u noe! How to complete? But aniwae, I did it all already. Hehe! Then around 7 watched Chinese show. Very nice, I LIKE the show A LOT! Very twisty! Then after dat continued to study in the kitchen until around mid night and now my sister just went out with DAVID again and this is my chance to use the net, woohoo! Updated my blog. How izzit? Nice or not? Hek hek!

I Wanna DIE!

2004-09-08T15:54:00.000-07:00

Everything I have to do!! It's always ME ME ME! Can't any of u do anything too? U're all not CACAT rite?! Then y da hell must I be the one who always has to do EVERYTHING? I have to clean up the cat when he SHITS when he PEES! I have to bathe the cat after two weeks! I have to sit down n teman the cat makan! I have to play with the cat! I have to clean up the cat's litter box when it's soiled! I have to clean up the mess that it makes when he anyhow kencing on the bed or on the carpet. YOU ALL put him in the toilet but when he dah kencing u all ask ME to clean him up! I have to cuci all YOUR laundry! I have to jemur the laundry! When u finish eatin, I have to wash it when the sink is filled with all ur pinggan mangkuk! When u do a lil bit of housework, u brag to me dat u do it lah, wat lah. HEI! If I were to brag, I'd spit it all in ur face then u'll realise how much more work I’ve done than YOU!

Then now, u expect me to study, do well for my O'levels! Tell me how the FUCK am I supposed to do dat when u always tell me to do all the household chores?! When I ask Kakak for help, u'll always say u're busy and u expect me to study on my own. U always say dat if u could do it, y can't I?! Hello!! Plz understand dat YOU and ME, we're TWO DIFFERENT pple! All of u expect me to become like the other two! The ones who went to Raffles Institution and Tanjong Katong Girls ! The Raffles JC brother, the Anderson JC sister! I'm DIFFERENT! Plz take note of dat! I'm different!!! I can't be the same as the both of u! U always say I can do it, I can do it! But wat's the point of saying all dat when u dun even coach me when I ask u to teach me something?! Do u noe how shameful it is to have TWO really capable siblings but having to take tuition every Sundays from my own COUSIN?! The both of u should be the ones teaching me since u're so capable! And Alfian! The BROTHER FROM HELL! How can my mother expect me to learn everything from him?! He only teaches me when he feels like it n he teaches like SHIT! Would u like it if your OWN brother actually slaps n hits u against the wall just bcoz u can't get the maths sum right?? Just bcoz u can't answer a general knowledge question like "What's the capital of Africa?" "Name the seven continents" "Which artist or brand came from which country?" HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ALL THAT??!!!

AAARGH!!! I just wanna die n leave this place! The thought of committing suicide will always be on my mind! I actually self mauled myself everytime I'm alone to just release the tension. I'll slash my arms with whatever dats in my hands. I'll cut my wrist but the surprising thing is that I dun die..! The scars on my arms and wrist are for LIFE and I will never forget what caused me to do these things. It's ALL OF YOU! The stress bcoz of my O'Levels, my frens, my love life and wats makin it worse is YOU! My own FAMILY……

Gonna Feel So Bored

2004-09-06T19:07:00.000-07:00

Had Chemistry remedial just now. Started at 10 and ended at 12, GOSH! It was so damned BORING! Farhan said he had N'level just now but by the time I reached school he went home already I think..

Hmm, just read a fren's blog, feelin very hurt. Dunno if she was referring to me or wat. If it was me, dunno wat I did to make her feel this way. I've been tryin my best to avoid everything dat I used to do to hate her. Dun remember anything dat I did to have hurt her feelins. GOSH! This is just makin me SICK! The pressure is just KILLIN me!! Hello! Wateva it is, just let it out! I dun want u to keep it to urself man! How the FUCK am I supposed to know if I'm hurtin u or not?? Wateva I've done, GOD DAMN IT! TELL ME ABOUT IT!

Last night he confessed to me again. AGAIN and AGAIN! Non-stop! How am I supposed to make him understand dat I'm in love with someone else? Why do I feel so much angst? I feel so pressurised! Feel like killin maself! Oh god, wat did I do to deserve this?? TELL ME PLZ!!!

Oh yeah, by the way BITCH, thanx for leavin ma life n migratin to Australia! Feelin so god damned HAPPY bout dat man! Now u can probably just DIE IN PEACE there!

Finally!

2004-09-04T15:42:00.000-07:00

I've got my tag board done! So happy but it kinda looks outta place! Waitin for all of ya'll readin this to tag me aight? Zinky, WHERE ARE YOU! Need u to tag me NOW! Aniwae, woke up at 10.30 this morning, now is 3.41 and I still haven't bathed yet! Hak hak! I think gonna bathe now and I need to poop too! Gotta go! I'll come back and write later!

B.O.R.I.N.G

2004-09-03T14:56:00.000-07:00

Long time haven't updated my blog. Was busy doin other stuffz.. Aniwae, finally have a tag board now..go n tag me aight??
BYEZ!

My Very Own BLOG!!!

2004-08-26T14:25:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! Just did my own blog today! Yipee! SO DAMN HAPPY!! Aniwae, here goes..

Well, in the morning went to school with ma "lil sis".. Met her downstairs as usual at 6.50. Dat gerl LURVES walking! I LIKE! Aniwae, didn't talk much just now.. the trip on the bus was a quiet one.. And that STUPID bus! Yesterday morning when I wanted to go to school, the bus had no air-con and I was sweating like SHIT! JUST NOW, the bus didn't have an air-con either! My GOD!! I felt like threatening the bus driver to blow at me n gimme some coolness throughout the trip..

Hmm, now I'm at home talkin to Farhan on my cell and typing this. Finished school at 1.15 just now and I went home straight. Need to study. The fear of Prelims are relly getting to me. I'm TERRIFIED! I miss my kakat..! He won't come out from under the sofa! He's sleeping so soundly.. I want him to COME OUT NOW! I really wanna play with him!!

I had my last mock exam today. It was Physics and Chemistry and Science paper 1, multiple choice questions. I found Chem EXTREMELY diffiult. I guess it's because I didn't really study Chem, I focused more on my Physics. Well, don't wanna talk about it anymore.. It will just make me even more frustrated!

In about two hours time, probably gonna go out n meet my pal. She wants to pass me something, then wanna go out to Tamp and makan for a while. Then gotta go home and study more n more..!!! Need to finish up on tuition homework by TONIGHT!

Hmm, been having frenship problems at school. Not so XTREME lah, but I'm feelin kinda down about this. Dun wanna go any further, it's just gonna make me weep.. Been crying lately too, dunno why.. I'll start thinking about my past and how I'm gonna die. I think PMS is on it's way..

okies, gotta go and bathe and get ready to go out now..
PEACE! (^^,)